New York. Week one. Sad, kind of. Retail. Always hits the spot. #3 to 14th Street. Cool Shoes! Wrong size. Boo. Huge sign. Boots 75% off! Ugly. No wonder those are on clearance. Why are you trying to get new shoes anyway? You just bought these. You're right self, I'm ridiculous. Let's just go home. Ooh. Urban Outfitters. Paper Denim and Cloths for $30 on sale? Sign me up! Midwest Fo' Life T-shirt-$10, also on sale? Sign me up again! I need lip BALM, gloss makes me look like a whore. Snoopy Christmas lip balm set? Oh snaps! 50% off all sale merchandise? Mini-stroke, right there at the checkout. Whole Foods groupie (?) somewhat ashamed. 4 times in 4 days isn't healthy. No purchases; I went in to look and see how things were doing from the day before. Proud I found the normal people's section, though I'm not sure I belong in it. I kind of want to marry hummus as a concept. My feet are starting to hurt, these Ice Creams haven't been broken in completely yet. It's been since August, this is kind of ridic. Ok, walk back home. Midwest shirt, let's see how it looks with these jeans, and those jeans, and this skirt. My phone is ringing. It's Eileen!! OMGSTFU! Missed call. Boo. Let's call her back. Can't dial. That's odd. Oh, that's because my phone is ringing again. It's ETF!! My heart can't take this excitement. Change of plans. Instead of wallowing in my recent purchases, catch the Fung Wah and go see those old whores. I love spur of the moment decisions! Hopstop.com, once again you have saved my life. Wall Street to the J, M, or Z train to Canal. But they only come at Broadway and since it's late, all the stations are locked. I almost cry. Really. One door is open, yay! The door to freedom. Fung Wah freedom. $15? Like Tobias when he took the $11 bus from one coast of California to the other to get back his medical license: "Is that snow?". 4.5 hours of thinking time. OMG, our hometowns make the phrase "Wil-wego-ete" (Will we go eat?). Shit, I'm bored. Nap time. Boston! Looks a lot like New York looks a lot like Chicago. Meh. Eileen and Emily, finally! Recanting tales of yore over a smooth vintage Merlot in Salem. Yeah right. Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead, Facebook fasts (I'm going on one tomorrow), and real job talk. Sunday morning. Salem Diner, All-American cuisine. One of us breaks the coven to go practice for the Vagina Monologues. Boo. But milkshakes first. Bitches and Bax. Wait, witches and wax. Ridiculous pictures and a commemorative scroll. Bring It On marathon. Rock of Love. Wow. I'm always too lazy to finish these things. I didn't even get to how I almost felt ashamed on Canal Street today on the way back for saying no so many times. I do NOT want 6, 8, 10, or 12 I Love NY shirts for $10! If you think it's that urgent that I have one, just give me one for free. Ok, enough ranting. I'll leave you with this. A preview of my doll's collaboration with the Louis Vuitton's jewelry department. Whoever buys me this ring can have me, pretty much. Not that I'm materialistic or anything. I just think it's absolutely beautiful, and that doesn't happen a lot with me and gold rings, or gold anything for that matter.
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